- shock and denial
- pain and guilt
- anger and bargaining
- depression and reflection
- acceptance and hope
i know them well... because this is the ride you are on after diagnosis as well.. in fact i went through the stages after every visit to the oncologist... every time a treatment didn't work, every scan that showed how aggressive the cancer was...then the loss of him....
i don't think it should end with acceptance and hope though.... i think the end stage should be the ability to remember someone fondly without pain... i am able to think of him and laugh... or smile.. but always later came the pain.. the hurt at the back of my jaw and burning behind my eyes...but today.. i reached a new step
my dad used to play this joke on my mom.. we would be driving and my dad would ask my mom to put her hand to the window
"did you feel it?" he asked
"did you feel the pain?"
confused she'd say no she didn't
after a bump or passing of power lines he ask her again....
it took a while for her to "get" that it was pane.. not pain... as in window pane... hardee har har
so my mom called with this memory today... she said "i think he would do things just to prove that i was stupid!"
i've been laughing since... with no pain!