Saturday, August 28, 2010

Guest Blogger- Katy

I realized, or i was reminded, that i hadn't blogged in a while... i am dealing with some feelings of disappointment and anger that could easily be displaced in this blog... so i have kept myself from writing until i work through these this is my first "guest blog" post... if you would like to share a memory, story or thoughts please email them to me at, i hope to have at least one "guest blogger" a month...

this is katy. my papa tended to "adopt" his nieces and nephews and became a father figure to them in the is such an honor to my brother and i to know that others love him and cherish him as much as we do...katy is the baby of this group of "adopted" sons and daughters..the following is what she wanted to share as she reflected yesterday (her birthday).

"This year has been so full of change. Losing my Tio Robert, graduating college, buying a house, starting my career, and getting married. So many changes it’s sometimes…well a lot of the time is just hard to deal. I remember sitting there at my graduation thinking about my Tio and how I’m actually doing something that he would be proud of. Not another tattoo…or something silly I know he didn’t care too much about. But actually something that would make him proud. After graduation we went to dinner…my Tia gave me a graduation card and signed his name. This made everything I was feeling just come to the surface. I felt him and missed him with every fiber of my being. As these other milestones have approached I can’t help but think of him. Like today, I thought of him and wondered what kind of musical card I would get...because that was his thing. My friend’s mom gave me a musical card tonight, very similar with the same exact characters of the card he got me for my birthday last year. It made me feel like he was there tonight. I still miss him and think of him every day. Just thinking about getting married, hurts my heart. That is going to be such a sad day, without Robert and where the wedding is taking place. It’s morbid for me to think this way, but I use to think…if anything happened to my dad...I wouldn’t want either brother walking me down the aisle, I’d want my second dad, Robert. I really love him like a dad….and I just can’t imagine October 30th without him."

thank you katy.. i love you!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

seriously almost choked when i heard about this:

This is precisely why I wanted to blog about my own grieving process… of course I wanted to share my dad’s story… and share memories… but this is what gets to me!

What is Prolonged Greif Disorder (formally known as Complicated Grief Disorder)? It is just another way of saying “get over it already”

According to, I have PGD... and should seek treatment…HA!

You also have PGD if you experience at least one of the following symptoms

Intrusive thoughts related to the lost relationship

Intense feelings or emotional pain, sorrow, or pangs or grief related to the lost relationship

Yearning for the lost person

Hi… who doesn’t yearn for the person they have lost?

You also have PGD if you have been mourning your loss for more than “six months”…. hmmmm well I am now in month 7 and while I am healing I am also doing so ON MY OWN TIME!

So wait.. now that I know that I have PGD how.. oh how.. do I treat it?

“Get more sleep, manage stress and emotions, practice relaxation techniques, and pay attention to life in the moment and without judgment...”

Hmmmm sounds to me like a coping mechanism for a little thing called LIFE!!!!

And there it is right there… this is life.. loss is a part of life… and while there are better ways to live we all have to choose our own paths… that being said…there is no guide book or guide lines as to how to deal with loss.. there is no time line for grief…. I have said it many times.. this is a loss one carries forever… it is not a wound that can be healed… one simply learns to live with it….

So.. if you have stumbled upon my blog following the loss of a loved one.. and you are now part of a club that no one wants to voluntarily join.. then know this… your story is your own… your feelings are your own… if my blog or blogs like mine help you in your process then I will be so very happy.. but please do not let anyone tell you HOW TO GRIEVE and know that there is nothing wrong with you!

Grief-healing-support my big ol’ behind!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

enjoying a moment part I

i am home from Ariz. now... trying to transition all over far so good... mostly because i have so much to catch up on...including my poor neglected blog...
the trip was full of moments that i struggled to be in... to enjoy... to allow myself to feel whatever i was feeling...
as a family we "attempted" to go camping.. if you know my dad then you have probably been introduced to camping and fishing through him...i have heard over and over "if it wasn't for your dad i wouldn't have known how to appreciate the outdoors" and other things like that... our trip started (as normal family affairs begin) with drama (that is not to speak lightly of other people's feelings, it's just a word)... but we moved through it.. mostly because those of us that intended on completing the trip felt like it needed to be done.. for us... i know personally i needed to prove that i could do it.. could enjoy it...without his physical being.. but make no mistake.. my dad was all over the place during the trip... seeing familiar tree lined paths while being in his truck brought lump after lump to my throat... fishing on the lake he most frequented was even tougher...
at one point i inexplicably felt sorry for him... sorry that he would never see this beauty again.. well that was stupid... i forget that he is seeing so much beauty that i can't see, that there are no words to describe... i was really feeling sorry for me.. that i would not be able to share it with him again...
our trip was also missing another important person who at the last moment decided it was not something he was ready to do... understandable... while i questioned whether or not i could do it myself.. i am so glad that i did... because when i was able to fix broken and tangled fishing line.. and make a fire.. i knew.. without a doubt..that i am truly my father's daughter... and that was very healing..
my papa was very missed on this trip... when we got lost, still within city limits... it was said that it would never have happened if my dad were there.. as i watched my mom's haphazard grocery bag packed food fly all around the bed of the truck i thought... my dad would have packed, organized and tied down everything... my cousin's son and daughter fondly remembered their tio robert when they saw or thought of familiar things... i giggle now thinking of the hotel/cabin we stayed in... my dad would have bucked the system and slept on the porch.. i could hear him saying "this isn't camping!"
later in the week my brother and i discussed heaven... you know the bible mentions mansions made of gold... but i guarantee you that my papa opted for a four room tent and hammock instead!