5 things you MUST know about my papa

the entire reason for this blog is to give me a safe space where i can talk freely about my papa... in my intro post i expressed that sometimes i felt as though people avoided talking about him, were sick of talking about him, were sick of hearing about him... but.. that can't happen.. my papa was/is the most important person in my life... my life.. who i am... was shaped by him...

for as long as i can remember my mom would say "you are just like your dad"...and that wasn't meant to be a compliment.. she meant i was stubborn... i held my emotions close.. i was independent with no small amount of wanderlust...so yup... i am just like my dad in those ways...

they say you marry someone like your dad... yeah i did that... and i will never regret it... i feel just as safe with him as i did in my dad's arms... i know he will be the kind of father who enjoys his kids and makes them feel important.. entitled to his time...the way my dad

my dad's passing has also shaped me..in my fight and hate of cancer... in my choice to live my life to its utter fullest... to be sure of myself... to grab what i want... to grasp onto my brother even harder... to love with all i have...

in his life there are 5 things that shape me as well:

1. my dad was not afraid of the tighty whiteys... he would open the door in them.. unashamed.. and more focused on the reason you are at the door to begin with... when he was getting very thin and his shorts fell down in the front lawn (can you call rocks a lawn?) he just grinned.. and said the breeze felt nice....
2. my dad loved to dance... it was not surprising to catch him doing a little jig to whatever music was in his head.. and if there was music.. watch out!
3. my dad loved music (hence the new playlist) our lives were filled with music.. many times he would start singing and after a while we would all join in... sometimes he would sit and strum his guitar and my brother would get out his keyboard and it would sound just horrible! when his mp3 player was full of battery power, he was in his own little world of cindy lauper and old country (i am sure there is an entire blog entry on this a-comming)
4. my dad was strong... not in the way that most girls except their dads to be.. i mean STRONG... naturally strong.. he definitely had a steel working bull riding grip.. holding his hand when he prayed, even in his last days, felt like holding an anvil...
5. my dad was happiest outdoors.. hunting.. fishing... camping... even simply sitting on the porch... he was like an ocean mammal.. he had to get out for air in order to live..what i think he got out of it... is what i am ever in search of.. freedom...

if you know nothing else about my dad.. if you knew him.. you knew these things... if you know nothing about me.. if you know me.. you know these things make up my life as much as they made up his own....