never thought i'd do this...

i'm a fairly private person when it comes to my emotions.... maybe that's why i mix up pain and anger... hurt and hostility... frustration and the need to throw things...

i suppose this blog is a last ditch effort to regain sanity...

my dad is dead... yeah..that stings...

my dad died on january 1st of this year.... it was less than a year from when he was diagnosed with rcc (kidney cancer)... by the time he was diagnosed it was stage 4.... it was in his lungs and lymph nodes...

people are tired of hearing about it.. i get the feeling people just want me to be better already... which is why i don't share much... unless i'm asked... and even then.. i have gotten really good at saying "i'm fine" in a way that makes people stop asking....

but when people stop asking i loose my outlet.. i loose my dad.. i can only keep him alive in my heart.. so i have to keep talking about him.. i have to tell his story.. our story... and this is where i will do it...

cheers