Thursday, April 8, 2010

adding yet another stage

there is a new stage to the grieving process....i am calling this one "taking music back"

this one sucks for me because i love music... i don't do anything without music... i am eclectic which i blame squarely on my father....but there are certain songs that i just can't listen to...sometimes i'll start a song but then turn it off because it ends up feeling like self opposed sadomasochism....i can not wait to get to this stage...i miss my precious songs!

i can not listen to:

I'm Yours- Jason Mraz - as my dad passed we sang some hymns around brother sang this to him... months before he passed my brother asked him what his favorite song dad said "the one that plays on sister's (that's me) phone when eric (that's my husband) calls"

Bobby McGee- Janis Joplin- one Christmas long long ago i wanted a Debbie Gibson CD... i got Joplin instead!

Most anything by Kris Kristofferson, The Eagles, Gordon Lightfoot or Michael Martin Murphy- actually add almost anyone who's played Austin City Limits (he never missed it)

Alison Krause make my eyes water when she sings just about anything.. but Your Long Journey is Russian roulette

Anna Nalik's Just Breath (2 AM) is off limits... for one line... yes... ONE LINE

Then there's the rally cry... Bonnie Raitt sings "Help me lord I'm feeling low"...... a song he would listen to and sing (shout)... loud... before his in office chemo treatments... I use it now when i need to feel near him... or get some courage.. figuring if he could do what he did for us then i surely am capable of more... but sometimes it just makes me think of what he must have been feeling....he didn't talk about it.. much... he never said "this sucks" "i hate this" "i'm dying".... he just rallied.... but what must he have been feeling?

There are more songs.. in fact... we all (all who have been touched by his mighty life) have our own off limit songs....

I can't wait to get to that stage...i'm a little tired of hip hop.. but hip hop is safe

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