why i walk....

i even have a storm trooper on my side!

i know that some people may read my blog and feel sorry for me... they might worry that i wallow in my sadness...in the same vein i know that there are people who look at my involvement with cancer (communities, walks etc) and worry that i am not "moving past it"....

please know.. my blog.. writing this blog... has helped me in ways no one else could... i am free here... i say what i want and what i feel here... i remember him here... i think about my dad every day.. most every hour... and it is not always followed my sadness... lately i have been able to think of him and smile or laugh even... i am able to talk about him more freely... when i say something like "my dad would have loved this" or "my dad used to say....." it brings me closer to him... and i feel like with time and the help of writing... i can do this.. and feel this more often...

i'm fighting cancer in the ways that i am able (walking, supporting, keeping up to date on research)... i feel as if i am continuing to honor his fight... just because he is gone doesn't mean the battle is over... there are other people out there fighting this monster... and i want to be a part (even a tiny part) of some of them winning that fight!

when i walk or when i am a part of events i see so much hope.. not only in the survivors.. but also in the surviving family members (they are survivors too because the monster may take only the body of the loved one.. but what is left behind are shrapnel wounds to the heart that take longer to heal)... i see so many people that have been affected by cancer and i don't feel so alone in the battle....

so please don't worry about me.. i am coping.. i am doing.. i am LIVING! and that is all i can do....