the moment...

before my dad was diagnosed.. i never once considered loosing him... after he was diagnosed... there was still very little consideration... there was always hope.. if not for a cure.. then at least for more time....

in the midst of his treatments and my countless visits home during the summer.. he took eric and i to wickenburg to take the quads out for a ride... we rode for hours.. stopping to look at rattle snakes.. gorgeous vistas... old abandoned mines...

we stopped to refuel... at this point.. eric and i marveled at his energy.. we were tired... sore from riding... hungry.. but he was trying to squeeze as much out of this trip as he could... when i think back on it..when i think back on many moments.. i can see more clearly how much he wanted to live as much as he could... this was one of those moments... he was getting the most out of teaching us about reading winds... following tracks... basic desert survival....

we went off for another ride.. we ended up at this huge red rock... it looked like a sunset etched into the side of a boulder... eric and i stopped to take a picture of it and dad pushed on... we saw he had gotten stuck in some sand up ahead... he jumped off his quad (at this time my dad was in a leg brace for some painful fluid buildup in his heel, he was walking with crutches)... he was trying to pull his quad loose when suddenly it slipped and started to roll toward a cliff.. my dad put all his weight into steading the quad and then.. fell and started to be dragged by the quad...

i don't remember what i screamed.. only that i screamed... i jumped off the back of mine and eric's quad so that eric could get to him.... he got down to him... and by the time i got there we were able to pull the quad free of the sand trap and safe from the cliff... my dad hobbled to a safe area and i walked the quad to him...

he assured me he was ok.. in no time we were back on the quads heading back to the truck and trailer...the tears falling down my cheeks where hotter than the desert... i was sobbing.. i told eric to slow down.. i didn't want my dad to see me panic like that...

this was the moment... the moment i considered loosing my dad... his near fall from that cliff made me realize just how scared i was of not having him in my life... i was terrified... still am.. every day...