99.9%

i was chatting with a fantastic woman last night... we were discussing how when someone you rely upon, you love, you need...passes...it is like a part of you is missing... like you are half a person... because they take that part of you with them... you are lost... without purpose... not sure what your next move is.... second guessing yourself... afraid to rely upon yourself... there really is a part of you missing...

i suddenly decided.. that i do not want to be half a person... my dad took a huge part of me with him.. he in fact did leave me feeling lost... but i have decided that i have the ability to fill up that missing part of me... i can not effectively celebrate him while i mourn him... i can not be me.. all of me... if i don't allow myself to find purpose...

i am resolved to the fact that i will never "get over" loosing my dad... i will always miss him.. will always need him.. will always love him...

however... as i heal... i have decided that i can be perfectly content being 99.9% me.... i'm no where near there yet.... but i know.. with time.. i will be