Monday, June 21, 2010

father's day

it is the day after father's day... i avoided it yesterday... i think that the build up to it was worse than the actual day.... i was dreading father's day for weeks.. after every commercial that said "don't forget father's day" i would ask "how could i forget?"... i kept busy yesterday and i did pretty well... i had cousins, friends and my brother check up on me... i wasn't lying you guys... when i said i was okay :0)

i think what helped me was the memory of last year... living so far from home, i have missed many (too many) father's days... i sent cards and called...but last year i flew home to surprise him... he was beginning to have flank pain (although we didn't know it at the time, the tumor was growing back, into his flank muscle)... he was already down the rabbit hole of harder pain medication...he missed church that morning... my cousin picked me up at the airport...he was just waking up from a nap and we met in the hallway... he gasped and i hugged him too hard... he let a few tears out.. and in our fashion we both looked away.. leave it to us to suppress the moment.. yes.. i am my father's daughter... he told everyone who came over what a surprise it was to him.. and admitted he cried... i came and went a ton over the summer so i had just seen him a month before... he was truly surprised.... and there is nothing like the smile my dad smiles when he is surprised.. it is a huge grin and he kind of bites the tip of his tongue... the corners of his eyes's real... funny that i remember details of his face and expressions like that...
and i think that is why i was/am able to get through this... my dad was so present... so....there... that i have details to hang on to....


  1. How is it possible that I just discovered this blog today? Your. Words. Are. Honest. Necessary. Beautiful. Yours. Thank you for giving them to others. -Selina

  2. lovely comment from selina,i cant top that,just,in my thoughts,tc mort

  3. thank you selina... my beautiful cousin.. for your beautiful comment

  4. I really like this post! I totally agree with what you said about the anticipation being worse than the actual day.....I went through that with the anniversary of my high school graduation earlier this month.......the anticipation was rough but the actual day wasn't really too bad........I really enjoy reading your writing!!