Monday, January 2, 2012

2 years and one day

dear papa,

yesterday marked 2 years since you have been gone... and guess what.. we made it once again in tact.. of course the whole day and day before i was entirely conscious of what day it was.. and of course i missed you just as i always have.. but the pain was absent.. the emptiness in my stomach.. the feeling of the ground being pulled out from under me.. wasn't there.. just the realization that we made it two years.. then there was hope...
the first year you were gone felt like a walking nightmare.. my head and heart just couldn't move forward.. i felt stuck.. it was a really hard year to say the least..
the second year felt.. for lack of a better word.. different.. you were missed for all 365 days.. but we all woke up from the nightmare and began to live again...albeit with some difficulty but no where near like it was the first year...
now we are beginning our 3rd year.. and i feel hopeful..i know that this year i will begin a real career.. mom will find some kind of fulfillment.. my brother will embrace responsibility and adulthood.. i feel this will all happen because our grief will not hold us back this year.. and this is what you would have wanted.. the best for us..
in everything i do you are with me.. every moment of my day i think of you.. every holiday or quiet time.. you are missed.. that will never change dad.. but know that your family is okay.. feel free to look down on us now.. we are ready!

your daughter


  1. What a great post! Thinking of you, Ana!

  2. Good for you!
    It's a tough day for sure, I know my dad's day is coming up here in 57 days. It'll be 3 years for us.
    Happy new year and I hope the 3rd year will be easier..

  3. Hi. I stumbled upon your blog. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer on November 16, 2008. She lived for 349 days from diagnosis to death, and I believe it was through sheer will power. She did not want to leave her family, especially her grandkids. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think we get really get over the loss of a parent, especially to such a horrible disease like cancer. If you'd like, please stop by my blog site ( I started it in memory of my mom and have found that expressing my emotions through writing has helped me to heal. I will never stop missing my mom or wishing that she were still part of our lives. I wish you the best on your journey of healing. Take care, Kathy

    1. keep writing kathy!! you will find your healing!