another month has passed.... and nothing has changed.... my world is standing still... i am in a bubble slowly working my way out... i have begun to forgive which i think will help.. and which i think you would like... i wish i had more of your non-judgmental heart in me... it is something i will continue to work on....
we had a bit of a dramatic... albeit hilarious event... in the house... your super smart son-in-law dropped a huge knife on his foot, butt first, and broke his last two toes... he writhed around on the ground yelling and cussing... i threw him a bag of frozen peas and walked out... i couldn't stop giggling... and i was thinking of you and your foot/heel problems... i don't think you ever writhed around on the ground yelling and cussing... i know you went on a two hour hike with us... through the pain... even with chemo and the horrible pains of surgery and ever growing tumors... i don't you ever writhed around on the ground yelling and cussing... i will admit i lost my patience with him... but i can hear you saying "pobrecito".... so i am STILL trying not to compare him to you.. or anyone else to you... cause in that battle.. they will always lose....
speaking of feet... mom and emilio went to California this week.. they are still there... and the other night.. for a fleeting moment.. i did it again.. i forgot you weren't there... i thought.. for just one second... about calling to see how you were getting along with all that walking they did in San Fransisco... again my heart sank... when i remembered yet again... you weren't there...and i wondered when that would stop... but i still do it with Nana and Tata.. so i suppose it won't.. ever stop happening
i think back to last year... at this time.. this day.. i was home with you... we, no doubt, had breakfast together... i can't pinpoint the day.. the actual day.. and i hate that.. i want to remember every moment with you.. but my memory fails in that respect... my brain is too caught up in missing you...
i love you papa,
ana marie
you write from the heart.its good you do.and memories change ana.the bad ones fade and mellow,the good ones glow.tc mort
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