Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Book Review- A Sacred Walk: Dispelling the Fear of Death and Caring for the Dying


A Sacred Walk: Dispelling the Fear of Death and Caring for the Dying

by Donna M. Authers
A & A Publishing, 2008

This is another book that I read to ready me for volunteer work. I started it a month ago but just recently finished it. It was a tough read. So much of it reminded me of my papa that I had to put it down almost as soon as I picked it up. It was difficult to remove myself from it and I didn't want to read it in that mind set. If i say here that I was able to read it and not cry or not think of my dad, it would be a lie.
In this book Donna gives practical advice for any caretaker, caregiver, friend or family member of a person who is dying.

This advice and wisdom comes in the form of personal stories, scripture and practicality. Donna talks about many of the losses she has been through in her life but the one that resonates throughout the book is the loss of her mother. From the moment when her mom learns that her brain tumor is inoperable Donna and her mom begin a journey. Their honesty with each other is beautiful and raw. They struggle together to find meaning, God and closure. What they find instead is strength.

The toughest parts to get through in this book are the conversations and letters shared with each other. It is hardest to keep the tears at bay when her mom says she feels like she is detaching, like she is here and there and the same time, so she knows it is time. Any book on death and grief will tell you that at some point the patient will detach emotionally but to see/hear the words is heart wrenching. In the end Donna's mom passes with dignity and in the most ideal and beautiful way. Subsequently Donna was left with "good grief". This was a wonderful read simply due to the best of a bad situation experienced by the author. Her lessons are very much worth reading, and learning from!


Friday, April 16, 2010

Control

advice... want some?
never tell a cancer patient what to do.
consider it a pet peeve of mine.

think about it.... when you have cancer inside of you, you have no choice but to relinquish some control...
so who are we.. or who is anyone to tell a patient what they should do and what treatment they should or should not do? don't they deserve THAT much control over what happens to them?

i was thinking of my dad today.. and how much he wanted to live... he would have tried anything..had there been anything else to try.... we were right behind him...but always giving him control to try or not try a treatment... believe me i wonder all the time if he would have had a better quality of life if he hadn't had treatment... chemo ravaged his body which he never recovered from... and i wanted him to stop and just enjoy the rest of his life...but he needed to do it for him... for us...

he didn't sleep and many days he would drag... and we would nag him to sleep at night.. that would make him feel better during the day... finally one night he looked my mom in the eyes and said "listen, you aren't going to like it, but i am going to sit here in my chair and watch tv. and i will go to bed when i want to".... my mom and i looked at each other and giggled... pumping our fists inside ourselves shouting "you go with your bad self".... by all means.. he deserved control over his damn sleep pattern...in the end.. i'm so glad that my papa passed with dignitary.. a man in control of what cancer would allow.. till the end

Friday, April 2, 2010

never thought i'd do this...

i'm a fairly private person when it comes to my emotions.... maybe that's why i mix up pain and anger... hurt and hostility... frustration and the need to throw things...
i suppose this blog is a last ditch effort to regain sanity...

my dad is dead... yeah..that stings...

my dad died on january 1st of this year.... it was less than a year from when he was diagnosed with rcc (kidney cancer)... by the time he was diagnosed it was stage 4.... it was in his lungs and lymph nodes...

people are tired of hearing about it.. i get the feeling people just want me to be better already... which is why i don't share much... unless i'm asked... and even then.. i have gotten really good at saying "i'm fine" in a way that makes people stop asking....

but when people stop asking i loose my outlet.. i loose my dad.. i can only keep him alive in my heart.. so i have to keep talking about him.. i have to tell his story.. our story... and this is where i will do it...

cheers